Stupid jokes
by tahmy yumiko
Summary: a collection of jokes i know and i converted them into shamankingjokes. Well, let me know when you like it...If you don't I'll just delete the story sorry if you did not like the lame jokes...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer thingy: I don't own shaman king and the jokes….**

**These are only the jokes I heard from my class mates and stuff! I just "converted" them……**

**Stupid Jokes: **

Hung Him up

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub , the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into the office "Mr. Asakura Hao, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home." He said.

"I'm sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Hao replied. "I hung him up to dry…"

The Worst Day

There's this guy named Yoh sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, this trouble- making guy named Hao sits next to him, takes the drink from Yoh, and just drinks it all down. Poor Yoh starts crying. Hao says: " Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see YOU crying."  
"No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First. I overslept and was late to class…so I was given a whole year of detention…when I was going home some neighborhood punk beat me up and stole all my allowance money…and that's my allowance for a whole year…coz our stupid father is too cheap…I got home and found Anna really angry for coming home late… I tried to explain but she won't listen and she let me sleep outside as punishment for coming home late…so I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison……--

Big people words

The former kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk. "you need to use 'big people' words" she'd always remind them. She asked Ren what he dad done over the weekend. "I went to visit my nana" he replied shyly. "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!".

She then asked Hao what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo" he said. "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN, use big people words!" She then asked Yoh what he had done " I read a book" he replied. " That's wonderful" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Yoh thought about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said "Winnie The Shit"


	2. more stupid jokes to hate

OK! Here are more lame jokes for you to hate!

Disclaimer: see chapter one for the disclaimer thing….

**SEEING EYE DOG**

Two guys are walking their dogs. Both starts getting a little hungry.

Yoh with the Doberman pinscher says "Hey, let's go over there to get a quick bite to eat big brother"

Hao with the Chihuahua replies, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

Yoh confidently says "Don't worry big brother, just follow my lead"

Yoh puts on a pair of dark glasses, and starts to walk in. A guy at the door stops him and says " Sorry sir, no pets allowed."

Yoh says, "You Don't understand. This is my seeing eye dog."

Shocked the guy at the door asks " A Doberman Pinscher!"

He says "Yes, they're using them now. They've been helping the blind for about 5 years now. They're good dogs."

The Guy at the door apologizes and seats Yoh. Hao and his Chihuahua shrugs, "what the heck," He puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

The guy at the door says, "Sorry sir, no pets allowed," Hao says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing eye dog."

Laughing the guy at the door replies, "A Chihuahua?"

Hao says, " WHAT, THOSE BASTARDS GAVE ME A CHIHUAHUA?"

**NO EARS**

Silva was involved in a terrible accident at work. Oddly, however, the only permanent damage done to him was that both of his ears were amputated. But, because he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Silva decided to invest his money in a small, but growing computer business, And, after weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted line, he realizes that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him. The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy named Horo-Horo was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting.

But at the end of the interview, Silva asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

And the Horo-Horo answered, "Why yes. I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears." Silva got very angry and threw him out. The second interview was with a younger gentleman named Manta. He was even better than the first guy. But he asked him the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

And he replied blankly: "Well, you have no ears."

Silva again was upset and tossed him out. The third and the last interview was the best of all the three. He was a very young man named Hao Asakura who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Silva was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"

And to his surprise, Hao answered: "Yes, you wear contact lenses."

Silva was shocked, and said. "What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?"

Hao fell of his chair laughing hysterically and replied,

"Well, It's pretty hard to wear glasses with no fg ears!

**WORDS**

Three buddies were talking about death and dying. When you're in a casket and friends and family are mourning for you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

Ryu says, "I would like to here them say that I was a great sushi chef of my time and a great family man."

Yoh says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and friend who gave them a chance to see the light of hope."

Then Hao says, " I would like to hear them say…LOOK, HE'S MOVING!"


End file.
